Confession Session

I have a love-hate relationship with a certain sentence. You know the one I'm talking about. It goes like this, "Mom, I have a confession to make."

I am always grateful when my kids fess up and tell the truth. It delights me that they can't keep things from me. Their confessions remind me (as if I need reminding) that they're good little people, who prefer to have a clear conscience and who believe that honesty is the best policy.

Their actual confessions, however, ugh, they're never good. Today's confession came from Madeline and Jack, but mostly Jack.

"I hate to tell you this," Jack began. "Madeline and I ate candy."

We were about to eat dinner, and Jack had just tested his blood sugar level. His meter read "HI."

"HI?" I questioned. "Jack did you eat something and not tell me about it?"

And then the truth came out. Five stinkin' gummy Life Savers shot his sugar "HI." I hate diabetes. We're talking about 13 grams of carbohydrates. That's not that much...unless you happen to have type 1 diabetes. Sigh...

"Madeline ate more," Jack continued. "She ate lots of Life Savers and some Smarties, too. I really wanted to eat more like Madeline, but I was afraid to. I thought my blood sugar would go too high, so I didn't. And look, it did. I'm high. I'm really sorry, mom."

I remember when I was a kid, I used to save my Halloween candy for months, and when I thought no one was looking, I'd sneak some M & Ms or a lollypop or whatever my stash offered. The joys of childhood! Heck, there are still some days when I sneak a cookie, and I catch Gregg reaching for the goodies we use to treat Jack's lows all the time.

Madeline eats a secret treat, and we never find out, unless she fails to toss the wrapper(s), which she often does, silly girl. (She usually hides them under her bed or in her desk drawer. I won't tell her this, but it's time she finds a new hiding place! ;) ) Jack does the same thing, but he's forced to fess up. His blood sugar level reveals the secret. I hate how diabetes has robbed him of that simple joy...not that I really want my kids eating junk, especially behind my back. It's just the whole idea. It's just another thing Jack can't do. It's just another way that diabetes affects his childhood.

"There's something else I need to tell you," Jack went on. "I flushed all the wrappers down the toilet, so you wouldn't find them. I didn't clog the toilet though."

I had to laugh over Jack's need to tell the truth, the whole truth. Oh, how I love that boy, confessions and all.

Ice Cream Update and Number Analysis

Some days, it seems, I scream. Gregg screams. We all scream at ice cream, as it wreaks havoc with Jack's blood sugar levels. But last night, after eating a small bowl of Moose Tracks, Jack spiked only to 237 and then hovered in the low 200s overnight. What a relief!

By mid-morning, after receiving some insulin, he was back down to the low 100s, where he stayed for most of the day. He had a couple of lows, 49 right before lunch and 65 right before bed, but bounced back quickly with juice. Overall, it was another great day.

These blood sugar numbers have me thinking...

Last summer, Jack maintained nice numbers for the majority of the summer. Sure, he experienced swings, but he didn't have as many highs and lows as he did in the previous months.

Because Jack attended a day camp called "Shemesh," I used to joke about "the Shemesh effect," as in, "Look, another beautiful blood sugar day in the 100s! Must be the Shemesh effect!"

Over fall break, we experienced a another week of good numbers. And, now over winter break, I'm realizing the pattern. When Jack's not in school, his numbers are much more stable.

So now my mind is spinning...Is school too stressful? Is it the academics? Is it the structure? Is it his diabetes?

In a school of over 900, he is one of two students, who has type 1, but the other student is much older than Jack, and Jack has never met him. I don't think Jack even knows about him. So Jack feels alone and very different from every other student he knows at school.

How can we help him? If school is indeed too stressful, what would make it less stressful? I can't take away his diabetes, but can I make it easier? Does managing his diabetes overwhelm him? Have we given him too much responsibility? Or not enough? Is this the right academic environment for him? Or, are his school days just too full and fast-paced? Does he simply do better when we have less going on?

Jack often asks me, "Why can't the school week be two days long and the weekend be five days long?" The question usually pops up on Sunday night, as I'm tucking him into bed. I've always thought it was just a six-year-old's way of saying the weekend isn't long enough. Besides, wouldn't most people like a five-day weekend every week? I know I wouldn't mind a little more down time!

Now, I'm wondering, is his question a reflection of something more? Or am I reading too much into it? Am I also over-analyzing his numbers? Is there really a pattern, or is it merely coincidental? Will he enjoy more stable numbers over spring break too? Will his numbers begin to swing more when school resumes in January?

Time will tell. In the mean time, I'm going to sit back and enjoy the ride.

Lazy Days of Winter Break

I'm having a hard time blogging lately. Actually, I'm having a hard time accomplishing anything. Truth be told, I didn't even manage to change out of my pajamas today. The kids are home from school on winter break, and we have been taking it easy and enjoying lazy days. It has been so nice not having to set the alarm clock, make school lunches, supervise homework or concern myself with reading logs and spelling lists. Because we don't celebrate Christmas, we're not as busy as many of our friends this week, and our free time feels like a true luxury. We can afford to sleep late, spend an hour at the breakfast table and watch movies, play with Hanukkah gifts and go for bike rides during the day. This afternoon, the kids played in the pouring rain, stomping in puddles, twirling umbrellas and catching rain drops on their tongues. I was happy to stay inside where I could watch them them from the comforts of the couch, while staying warm and sipping a cup of a hot tea. I think these carefree, stress-free days are having a positive impact on Jack. His numbers have been excellent. He's had a few lows here and there, but nothing too low, and no highs for days now. Tonight may change all that though. Madeline had a baby tooth extracted this afternoon. (Gregg took her to visit the dentist; dressed in my PJs, I stayed home with the boys). The dentist told her that she should eat soft foods tonight. He went so far as to suggest ice cream. We almost never have ice cream in the house. So Gregg went to the store and bought Blue Bunny Moose Tracks ice cream. If you've never tasted it, and if you like chocolate, caramel and peanut butter, try it. It's so good! We carefully measured a half-cup of this delicious dessert for Jack, and then we injected him with enough insulin to cover the 21 grams of carbohydrates that half-cup contained. But, I suspect that he's going to run high and need more insulin and that it's going to be a long, late night for Gregg and me. As I tucked Jack into bed, he complained, "I'm really thirsty." So out of bed and into the kitchen he went for a big glass of water. Thirst is a sign of high blood sugar. So if you're reading this tonight (Tuesday), please cross your fingers for us. I'm praying Jack won't run high and tonight will be just as easy and stress-free as our day was! Happy holidays everyone!

Recent Events

More than two weeks have passed since I last posted. How did that happen?! Like so many this time of year, I have been BUSY! Never mind the regular stuff like soccer games, Cub Scout meetings and volunteering in the kids' classrooms. I have been overwhelmed by special event after special event. We hosted Thanksgiving and then three days later, we held Madeline's 8th birthday party at our house. Two days after that, we celebrated Gregg's birthday. For the following evening, I organized a girls' night out to celebrate a friend's birthday. Then, I dove into poster making, as both Madeline and Jack are simultaneously "Star of the Week" in school this week. Next, I co-hosted an early Chanukah celebration for 11 families from our temple. Yesterday, we honored my mom with a birthday dinner, and tonight, friends and family will join us for dinner to celebrate both the first night of Chanukah and a dear friend's birthday. Whew! That's a lot of celebrations! I've felt like a professional party planner! And in between my list making, errand running and food prepping, diabetes has reared its ugly head a number of times. Here's the story of one experience I won't soon forget. Last Saturday, while I was showering, Jack popped his head into my bathroom and said, "Mom, I feel low." That's generally not a problem. Jack can test his own blood and knows where to find either juice, candy or glucose tablets to treat a low. "Go do a poke and see what your blood sugar level is," I replied to Jack. "I don't want to. I want you to test my blood," he whined in such a way that I knew we were in trouble. I rinsed the last of my facial cleanser, opened my eyes, peeked out of the shower and saw Jack sprawled across the bathroom floor. "Jack, get up! Go poke!" I yelled. "I can't," he complained. My heart started to pound. Jack was LOW. He needed help immediately. Gregg was out of the house, and I was soaking wet in the middle of my shower with a head full of conditioner. I turned off the water, grabbed a towel, wrapped my body, and ran out my bedroom, down the hall and over to the kitchen to grab Jack's testing supplies, juice and candy. As I rounded a corner and entered the kitchen, I saw Gregg walking in. He had just arrived home and, thank goodness, was able to help me with Jack, whose blood sugar, we discovered, was at the lovely level of 49. Some times, at 49, Jack is functional. Some times, like last Saturday, he is not. He was, however, able to gulp down some juice without any resistance. (Low blood sugar often makes him grumpy and belligerent! I'm not complaining here, though. I'm sure I'd be just as surly if my blood sugar had just plummeted, too.) So we treated the low, and Jack bounced back. I finished my shower and took a few moments to relax under the hot water. It was another memorable moment in parenting a child with diabetes. But, all's well that ends well.