What's a mom to do?

Jack has an aide, Laura, who helps him at school during lunch and the recess that follows. In the cafeteria, she monitors what Jack eats to make sure he gives the nurse an accurate report of the carbs he consumes. On the playground, Laura holds his D kit, so he can play freely. She follows him, visually tracking him as he plays soccer, dangles from monkey bars and roams the fields with friends. She’s also there to assist him, should the D monster rear its ugly head. She’s been trained on the signs of hyper- and hypoglycemia, and she’s been taught how to check his blood sugar and administer Glucagon. She’s fantastic.


This week, Laura will be absent. Since the school district is obligated under Jack’s 504 Plan to provide him with an aide, we emailed the school this morning to see who would sub for Laura.


The assistant principal replied, “Our only option for today is [a kindergarten aide]. Jack will have to stay with her during his recess.”


That meant that Jack would have to shift his schedule, eat lunch with the kindergarteners, and play at recess with these kids he doesn’t know.


“What???” Gregg asked rhetorically, when I told him the news. “Are you kidding me???!!!”


“Nope, I wish I was,” I sighed.


In general, the principal and assistant principal do an excellent job at running the school, and they’ve always come through for us. They did help us get that aide for Jack, which was an unprecedented move. But some times, their hands are tied and they just can’t do more than they already are. There was no other sub for Laura today. It’s not as if the school is overstaffed and there are extra people just waiting to be put to work. It’s not as if the nurse could leave her office, ignoring the remaining 900+ students, to tend to Jack’s needs. It’s not as if Jack’s teacher should give up his own lunch for Jack. It’s not as if they can put someone, who’s not trained in diabetes management, in charge of Jack; that would put Jack in danger, put their jobs in jeopardy and put the district at risk legally, if something bad happened. At least the kindergarten aide has been trained and she knows Jack from last year.


But there is a general lack of empathy that gets under my skin (and Gregg’s) and irritates the heck out of me. Jack is just an item on their “to do” list: find sub for Laura to monitor Jack Bonn. Check! They don’t care about his feelings, and I understand that they can’t. They have a job to do. They have 900+ students. They can’t make special accommodations for my kid. They can’t worry about his feelings, and I don’t expect them to care deeply about my son’s emotions and desires. I realize they’re just making “business” decisions.


But, would you want to be a first grader relegated to spending time with a kindergarten aide and her kindergarten class? That’s like a kid’s equivalent of a demotion. Can you imagine the embarrassment? That would make Jack a prime target for teasing. Plus, he already feels different.


And if we were to have allowed that to happen, I know we would have heard about it from Jack. I can imagine his wrath at the end of the school day. “Mom! I had to eat lunch with the kindergarteners! The kindergarteners! Why, mom? Why?! Why couldn’t you have come to school to spend lunch and recess with me?”



While the assistant principal’s solution may have met the requirements of Jack’s 504 Plan and ensured Jack’s physical well-being, it also would have been detrimental to his emotional and mental health.


I couldn’t do that to him. I couldn’t damage his spirit. He’s already “the kid with diabetes.” I couldn’t make him feel worse. It wouldn’t be fair. It wouldn’t be smart. So I spent lunch and recess with Jack today.


The upside of the situation was that it presented me with an opportunity to spend some one-on-one time with Jack. It also gave me a chance to get to know his classmates better. And it gave me a good laugh. I couldn’t help but chuckle when I saw Jack eat his cookie before his sandwich (“dessert first!”) and then abandon his clementine, because “it takes too much time to eat a clementine, even if it is peeled and sectioned.” (Note to self: pack no more clementines in Jack’s lunch box.)


I was also able to follow him out to the fields where he kicked around a soccer ball with his friends and searched for four-leaf clovers in the grass.


The downside will be dealing with Madeline, who is bound to be jealous and upset, because I didn’t have lunch with her today. I will visit Madeline at school after Laura returns to work, but in the mean time, I will face a severe case of sibling rivalry complete with hurt feelings. And I will feel sad for Madeline, who may understand why it’s important that I spend time with Jack at school, but who doesn’t like it at all.


But what’s mom to do? Jack is my baby and I will do whatever I can to ensure his complete well-being. So I felt compelled to visit him at school today. And Madeline is my baby too, and I will do whatever I can to ensure her complete well-being. So I’ll visit her next week. Thank goodness I have the time and flexibility to this. I don’t know what I’d do, if I had a job outside of the home.

Dessert First!

 Looking for a four-leaf clover after lunch

Playing soccer with his friends