This Mom's Mantra

"He's safe. He would be fine in any situation. He's smart. He would know what to do. Don't worry."

That's what I told myself, trying to quell my concerns.

Yesterday, I volunteered in Madeline's classroom. Afterward, in the school parking lot, as I entered my car, I heard the principal's voice over the campus loud speaker.

His message went something like this, "Teachers, prepare your classrooms for a modified lockdown."

"Uh oh," I thought. "A lock down? Wonder what's going on."

I figured it was too late to re-enter the campus. From the tone of the announcement, it sounded as if the school gates and doors were being locked immediately.

I drove home and then all sorts of what-if worries flooded my head.

"What if a true danger is present? What if the danger persists and the lockdown extends into the evening? What if Jack needs insulin? The insulin is in the nurse's office, not in his classroom. What if he's low, what if he's hungry, what if he needs to use the restroom, what if, what if, what if..."

We had established a lockdown plan for Jack before he entered kindergarten last year. We got him a cell phone to carry in his school D kit at all times. The plan was that he, his teacher or the adult in charge could use the cell phone to alert us in the event of a lockdown. We could then call the police, if Jack's condition warranted a rescue.

We don't want Jack using his cell phone on a regular basis. There's no need. He's only six. We generally make calls for him. So he never touches his cell phone.

I wondered, "Would he remember to use it in a lockdown situation?"

"Does his teacher remember the cell phone exists? His teacher is so together and on top of things, he must remember, right?"

"The nurse would do something. She knows Jack's needs. She cares. She wouldn't let anything happen. She's always taken excellent care of him. She's the BEST!"

I thought about contacting Jack's teacher, the nurse or the school office, but if there's a full-blown lockdown, then the school phones can not be used. So I'd only reach voice mail. I tried to put the lockdown out of my mind and go on with my day.

I just had to trust those in charge. I had to trust Jack's abilities. I had to have faith. I had to believe my mantra.

"He's safe. He would be fine in any situation. He's smart. He would know what to do. Don't worry."

The lockdown turned out to be temporary. Jack and Madeline returned home safe, sound and happy.

We chatted about lockdown procedures. I felt relieved, when Jack said, "Mom, duh! I have a cell phone. I could call you, if I needed to."

Duh! What was I thinking? Silly me!

I put the what-if worries out of my mind... until I began thinking about an email that had arrived earlier from Jack's teacher, informing me that he would be absent today. A new set of what-if worries flooded my mind.

Jack's teacher is truly terrific. We feel so lucky. He understands Jack's needs and the importance of being vigilant. He takes good care of Jack. We trust him. 

When he's not there, we can't help but worry. Having a substitute teacher means Jack will spend the day under the supervision of someone who has not been trained in diabetes management and who may not understand that Jack NEEDS to test his blood sugar NOW, that he MUST consume fast-acting glucose NOW, that he NEEDS to visit the restroom NOW, that he can get a drink of water NOW, that he can NOT wait another five minutes until the quiz is over or until recess time or whatever.

So all day today, I've been telling myself that today is like yesterday. Jack knew how to handle a lockdown, and he would know what to tell a sub, and the sub could obtain confirmation from the nurse.

Nonetheless, I've been repeating my mantra all day long.

"He's safe. He would be fine in any situation. He's smart. He would know what to do. Don't worry."

Tonight, however, we'll talk about teachers with Jack. We'll remind him that he can ask to go to the nurse and the nurse can advocate for him. She would come to his aid in a heartbeat.

Nonetheless, I'm sure the next day I learn about a lockdown or substitute teacher, I'll still need to remind myself, "He's safe. He would be fine in any situation. He's smart. He would know what to do. Don't worry."